How To Save My Marriage

From http://howtosavearelationshipinfo.blogspot.com/


Do you wonder "how to save my marriage?" This article tells you how to save your marriage.

First, you need to identify the trouble in your relationship.  Some common troubles include:

·    Money concerns
·    Child rearing difficulties
·    Lack of sex
·    Lack of communication
·    Loss of identity

And, of course, there are many others.  You may discover that there is one main problem or you may identify several smaller problems that are eating away at your marriage.  

When you identify the problem or problems that are at the root of your marriage troubles, you will be able to move on to the next step which is close, personal interaction.

In this step, you will need to be open to extensive conversation.  If you have not had a lot of open communication during your marriage, you may want to consider counseling in order to facilitate the personal interaction that is key to this step.  

If you really want to save your marriage, you will set aside time to work on your marriage issues every single day.  You could set aside some time like after the children go to bed or you could decide to take a walk after dinner every day for just the two of you.  But, you should plan to get back in touch with each other.  A daily habit of quality time with your spouse is very important.

Take some romantic time each week.  For some couples, this means reinstating a date night every week.  On Tuesdays, for instance, you get a sitter and go out for a picnic or walk around the mall.  As you can see, this doesn't have to involve wine and roses every week, but a romantic time that you can look forward to all week is essential.

As you spend time together being romantic and discussing your problems, you must have an open mind toward what your partner is telling you.  You need to understand that a lot of the problems in your marriage are caused by " get this" you!  Until you really listen to your partner, you are not going to be able to effect the kind of personal change necessary to save your marriage.

You need to have faith in your partner.  You need to give him or her the benefit of the doubt.  You need to believe that the marriage still can and will work.  You also need to believe that your partner is still essentially the same person he or she was when you married them.  If you cannot have faith in your partner and in your marriage, you might as well give up now.

Finally, you have to be open to forgiveness.  If your partner has made mistakes, even major ones, you must be able to forgive.  If you insist that there are things that cannot be forgiven, there is no hope for your marriage.  

Everyone makes mistakes.  Some people make big mistakes.  If that person makes a genuine apology, which includes acts of contrition and an effort to change, they deserve forgiveness.

This article gave you answers to that perplexing question, "how to save my marriage".

The Best Way To Save Marriage Embrace Conflict

In many states, all a husband or wife has to do to end the relationship is state to the court that there are "irreconcilable differences" and the court will grant the divorce.  But, in any marriage, there should be irreconcilable differences.  The best way to save marriage is to embrace the conflict that is inherent in a close partnership between two people.

We often think of divorcing couples as the ones who screamed at each other all of the time.  But if these couples can communicate their needs through elevated voices, they are actually doing better than the couple that avoids all conflict at the cost of expressing their needs and beliefs.

It is these silent couples who need to save marriage through embracing conflict.

While no one is suggesting that emotional and verbal abuse is a good thing for a relationship, couples who don't acknowledge that there are problems and differences are actually more likely to split up according to Dr. John Gottman, a researcher who runs the Love Lab.

So, if you want to save a marriage, you need to learn how to communicate and express your differences.  Here are some tips for communication in marriage:

·    Allow enough time for proper communication.  If you are not spending enough time together to air your differences and share your strengths, you will find your relationship is in trouble.  Work on building couple's time back into your life.  For instance, make a point of eating dinner together several times a week or going out on a date very week.

·    Really listen when your partner speaks.  It is amazing how much we tune out our partners.  He or she may be telling you what you need to know.  But, if you are not listening, it is all in vain.

·    Find out why your partner is annoyed.  When your husband or wife is being particularly grumpy, find out what is really going on.  Sometimes, it may be that you have done something that has annoyed them.  Other times, it may be that something completely unrelated has occurred.  But you won't know unless you ask.

·    Get inside his or her world.  As couples begin to drift apart, they start to live in separate worlds.  When you make an attempt to get inside his or her world, you may just save the marriage.

·    Stop judging.  Express what needs you have and listen to your spouse's needs.  But, don't be quick to judge or criticize.

·    Be honest.  One of the biggest problems for people who don't like conflict is that they can't be honest about what they want and need.  When you start to express honest opinions about things, you will begin to save marriage.

Marriage is hard work.  But, if it is worth it to you to save marriage, you will do the work.  That means more communication, and yes, more conflict.

Consider Counseling To Help Save Marriage

If your relationship is in trouble, you might want to consider counseling to help save marriage.  Your marriage is the central point in your life.  All of your other relationships- with children, with family, and with friends - revolve around the marriage axis.  Therefore, there is a need to help save marriage.

How do you know if marriage counseling is right for you?  If you have any of these problems, you might want to consider counseling to help save your marriage:

·    Infidelity
·    Communication
·    Conflict
·    Work-Life Balance
·    Problems with Children
·    Blended Family Issues
·    Family Violence
·    Substance Abuse

A family counselor or therapist will be able to help you to enhance your family relationship by helping you to explore effective communication techniques, conflict resolution solutions, and other kinds of coping skills that will make your family work better.  A therapist can also help you work on resolving deep issues that have carried over from childhood traumas.

So, how to you choose a family therapist?  Well, you should know that you don't have to pick the first one you call.  It is perfectly acceptable to interview three to five counselors before deciding which therapist will work best for you and your spouse.

Some of the questions you might want to ask include:

·    Have you worked with couples experiencing the difficulties we're having?
·    What should I expect from counseling?
·    What are your treatment methods?
·    What are your prices?

You can find the names of therapists by asking for referrals from friends or family members who have tried counseling themselves.  There are also referral services set up by non-profit boards who can give you the name or names of licensed professionals.

If you do not get a satisfactory number of referrals, you might want to check out therapist's sites on the internet.  When the yellow pages was the only source of advertising for therapists, the consumer would get little more than a name and a phone number.  But now, a counselor's site can include a resume, articles he or she has written, and a description of their practice.  You will be able to get an idea of how a therapist will work from his or her web site.

You do want to make sure that the therapist you choose is licensed.  Some therapists have what is known as a MFT (Marriage & Family Therapist License) which can only be obtained after a therapist completes both a master's degree in Psychology and 1500 hours of internship work under another licensed therapist.  Other acceptable licenses include the LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker), Ph.D or Psy.D. (Psychologist with a doctorate degree) and M.D. (Psychiatrist.)

You want to choose a licensed professional because there are educational, internship, and practice standards that must be maintained to retain the license.  "Relationship coaches" and others with similar names do not have similar obligations.

Different counselors have different payment options.  Some offer sliding scale fees while others are able to take insurance.  

How Do I Get Back With Ex Husband

Divorce.  Yuck! Now that you've gone through that hell on Earth you may be starting to think that the whole thing was a huge mistake.  If you want to know how to get back with ex husband this article can help.

If you went to a therapist after your divorce and asked how to get back with your ex one of the first things they would probably do is ask you why you wanted to take them back. 

That is a good question.  If you have had time to honestly evaluate your marriage and have come to the conclusion that you ended it too soon without trying hard enough to save it then that's one thing. 

But if you, like so many others, are just now facing the fear and uncertainty of being newly single and are starting to think being in a bad marriage is better than being alone you really need to  find some help to get over the feelings of loneliness and depression before you do something you'll regret. 

If you're positive that getting back with your ex is the best thing for both of you, here are a  few simple steps you can follow:

1) Try to talk to him.  Not yell or nag, but talk.  And listen.  Try to honestly and maturely discuss why the relationship ended.  What misunderstandings took you so far away from one another.  

If the two of you can honestly discuss how you're feeling, without recriminations, than you might actually see that you're not that far apart after all.  You have just been coming at it from opposite directions. 

2) Take some time to honestly evaluate what part you played in the deterioration of your marriage.  No one is ever completely blameless.  What was your part and are you willing to change whatever behavior it was that contributed to the breakup?

3) Try to find resources that will help the two of you communicate.  So many couples just have a hard time expressing themselves and listening to their partners.  If you can find a way to work around this you might have a shot at not only getting back with your ex but also of making your marriage what you'd truly like it to be. 

Divorce is one of the ugliest and most difficult things we can go through.  If you've come to the conclusion that yours was a mistake and you want to know how to  get back with ex husband then following these tips will be a good first step in the right direction.

How to help children through divorce

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Divorce is a very hard time for everyone to deal with. It can be very hard on a person emotionally and physically as well. This is especially true for children. They have to have the proper help during this difficult time. They need to know and understand that it is not their fault and that both parents still love them very much.

Parents are going to have to work hard at putting aside their anger and hard feelings toward each other. They have to sit down and make an arrangement that will be suitable to them and to the children. This is going too much easier and less painful than having to go into court and have them decide this for you.

You have to be able to pull together with your spouse and help the children. This is the only way to help them through this hard time. If one parent decides to go against their commitment to help their child the responsible way, you should still keep your values as a parent and help them the best that you can.

You should not keep the divorce a secret from the children. You need to tell them when you make your decision and what is going to happen. Try to give them at least a little bit of notice before the parent moves out so that the child can have the time to deal with it and ask questions. Reassure the child that both parents are still going to be there for them and that nothing has changed in that sense.

Do not put blame on anyone when you are talking to your children. Do not put down the other parent in any way. It is important that the children know that they still have two dependable and trustworthy parents to take care of them. Let them know that it was a mutual decision and that you both did your best to avoid this ending.

Make your child aware that they are not going to be able to get the both of you back together. Tell them that there is nothing that they can do to make the situation go away. Also make it clear to them where they are going to live and that they can see the other parent any time they want to. You can tell them that there may be some changes in that later on, but it is not going to affect their relationship. Give them the opportunity to ask you any questions that they may have for you both.

Giving the child the right information and not too much information is important. You do not want them to feel anxious or worry about anything that is not their concern. They have to feel comfortable with the news that you told them and give them some time to adjust to the idea.

How to protect your finances for divorce

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If you think that you will be ending your marriage in the near future and you are uncertain what the future will hold for you, you may want to start taking the right precautions now. You have to make sure that you are protecting your financial security for later.

Reduce unnecessary expenses as soon as you can. Meet with your spouse and agree to cancel utilities and other bills. You will probably need to have money later on and this is a way to save money. Sell off your personal property that you do not need or want anymore. You can do this now to avoid losing it later on.

Cancel all of your jointly owned credit cards. You both should agree to cancel the cards and get separate ones. You need to cancel the cards because the spouse can charge up all kinds of different charge on the cards and you will get stuck paying them back. Canceling the cards now can save you money that you will need to have later on.

You may want to separate the jointly owned bank accounts. If you have bank accounts together, you may want to divide the money first. If not, your spouse may decide to go and take care of the money on their own and leave you with nothing. If you have outstanding bills for the home, explain this to the spouse so that the arrangements can be made to pay for them. If you do open up a different bank account, do it at another bank. Do not stay with the same company.

Stop contributing to combined accounts like 401K and pension plans. Telling your place of employment usually does this. Make the necessary arrangements so that your money is not being added to this account. You have to do this until you find out what will happen to those accounts and who will benefit from them.

Keep your job or try and find one. You have to make sure that you are protecting yourself and able to raise your family. If you are not getting any income from your spouse, you will have to do something to support your monthly needs. You may want to ask your ‘soon to be ex’ if they can help you financially until the divorce proceedings are over. This is only recommended if you are ending the divorce in a good way. If you are fighting over everything and not getting along, you need to contact your attorney and have them ask for you.

Keeping positive during a divorce

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If you are someone that is facing a divorce, you may be feeling very depressed or emotionally in distress. These feelings are very normal. You cannot predict what is going to happen when you get married. Some marriages work and others do not. It is important to understand that this is not the end of the world and things like this happen all the time.

You are not a bad person because you are getting a divorce. If you and your spouse cannot longer get along, there is no reason to live together in a situation that makes you unhappy. You need to worry about your future and the well being of yourself and your children if any. Sometimes a divorce can be avoided with the right consoling and other times, there is just no hope.

You have to keep positive when you are going through a divorce. You cannot let yourself be taken down by what is happening around you. If you are being accused of untruthful accusations, you have to keep strong so that you can defend your name and your reputation.

Do not give up. You have to be able to fight for what you think is right until the end. If you are determined to get something that is rightfully yours, you need to stand up for it. Getting what you want in a divorce is not always possible, but you do have to keep up a good fight for it. You have to make sure that you are doing this so that you can keep up your positive attitude about what it going on.

Keep yourself surrounded by others that are positive as well. Keeping your friends and family around you is important. You need to keep having fun and laughing when you can. This will keep you in a positive atmosphere and keep you ready for what is ahead.

Once the divorce is over and done with no matter what the outcome, you have to be ready to go on with your life. You need to be ready to get on with your future and to make your dreams come true. Your life is not over even if you think that it is. There are always second chances and you deserve to have one. Your time will come for love again and if it does not, you will know that you are better off without the other spouse. You can make it on your own and have a good life.

What is a fault divorce?

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There are many reasons for a divorce, and it may be the last choice made by many. In some cases, it can be a decision that is hard for both parties to agree on. They have tried all that they can but they cannot seem to make the marriage work. For this reason it is called a no fault divorce in the courtroom. For other divorces where one or both of the parties have done something to cause the need for divorce, it is referred to as a fault divorce.

A fault divorce may be granted when the proper grounds are there and at least one spouse asks that the divorce be granted on the grounds of fault. Not all states allow fault divorces. There are traditional reasons for fault divorces. Some of them include the following.

Cruelty to one of the spouses is another cause. This is when one spouse will inflict unnecessary emotional or physical pain on the other spouse. This is the most usual cause for divorce. Adultery is another. This is when one of the spouses has an affair on the other spouse. This is another very popular reason why people end up getting divorced with a fault decision.

Desertion can also be determined as a fault divorce. This is when one party leaves the other for a certain length of time. This usually means that one spouse moves out of the home and lives independently or with another person. They will leave the other spouse to live on their own and not want to be with that person anymore.

If a person is confined to prison for a certain number of years, this can mean grounds for divorce by the spouse that is free. They can determine that they want to end the marriage and start the necessary divorce proceedings. Another reason may be if one party has an inability to engage in sexual intercourse, as long as it was not disclosed before the marriage took place.

The reason to choose a fault divorce is because some people do not want to wait. They do not want to have a separation required by their state’s law for fault divorce. In some states, a spouse who proves the other person is at fault, this may end up getting them a greater share of the marital property or more alimony. This is why the fault divorce is so popular these days.

What is a legal separation in divorce?

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When a couple gets a legal separation, it is a lot like a divorce. It will involve the same process of filing papers with the court to start a legal action. The court will then have to make the decisions about where the children will live, debts, and assets in a divorce. At the end of the process, the parties are legally separated instead of being actually divorced. This means that they are still married but not responsible for each other and what the other party does.

A legal separation is the best thing to do in the last stages of couples not getting along. It can be a way of taking a break and finding out what each party wants. There is no reason to rush into getting divorce for some people and it is a decision that has to be well thought out just as the marriage should have been.

Sometimes when people are on a legal separation, they will try and work things out. However, there are some cases, where it will not work and the parties’ involved want to get a divorce. One year after the legal separation is granted, one of the parties can petition to convert the separation to a divorce. They can do this without further hearings and the other party cannot prevent it from happening. People will sometimes prefer the separation instead of a divorce because of their religious beliefs or for insurance purposes.

If the party then decides to get a divorce, it will terminate their marriage. In order to do that, parties involved will go to court and decide how to handle questions of the children and how to divide their marital property. Each party is going to be responsible for one half of the marital debts.

Marital property is anything that the couple bought while they were married. It does not matter whose name the property is in or who actually purchased it. Bank accounts, pensions, and stocks are marital property even if they are held in one name only. Property brought into the marriage is still marital depending on the length of the marriage and what type of property it is. The court will be as fair as it can and sometimes the parties involved will make the right choices about being fair in the divorce.

It is always a good thing when a couple can make the appropriate decisions about how things should be split up before actually going to court. Both parties should have attorneys and this will help things progress along without having to worry about any legalities. This is the best way to protect each party’s assets and to make sure that the proceedings are fair.

What Is A Divorce

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Sometimes married couples do not get along and find that they are never going to make the marriage work. That is when a divorce comes into mind. A divorce is a legal action between married people to terminate their marriage relationship. It is a hard time for all that is involved.

There is something that is called a no fault divorce. This means that the court does not get in to why the couple wants to be divorced. It used to be that the person starting the divorce had to prove certain reasons for getting divorced. Some of these reasons included adultery or abuse. This time was often difficult for the couple and even a little embarrassing. The questions of what parties had been doing are private and these topics come out in the courtroom.

Now the law is different and it allows one of the parties to get a divorce if he or she states in court that the marriage is irretrievably broken. Usually the judge will not ask any other questions about the marriage and allow the divorce to move on.

In some divorces, however, they can get messy and there are many emotions brought out in court. This is a hard time to deal with and many people go through very depressing times. In some of the instances, one party does not want the divorce and they will fight it with all that they have. This will make the situation harder on both parties.

Some court systems will want to make sure that the couple is doing the right thing. They will in some cases order the couple to seek counseling. This is usually only for the couples that there is hope for. This is not for everyone and it is important to do only if one or both of the parties involved thinks that there is a chance for reconciliation.

People often times give up on their marriage too quickly. In some cases, they never really give the other person or the marriage a chance. There are hard times in all marriages and some people decide to try and work it out, while others tend to just want to give it all up as fast as they can.

It is always best to do what makes both parties happy and able to move on and get back to living the rest of their life. Going through a divorce will be one of the toughest things a person can live through.

What parents need to avoid when getting a divorce

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When you are getting a divorce and there are children involved, it is important to be careful how you react in front of the children. After you tell them what is going on and explaining to them that they are still loved by both parents, you do not want to upset them in any way. You need to make sure that the children are feeling safe and secure knowing that both parents love them.

You should never have a fight in front of the children with the other parent. This will be very disturbing to the children and may cause them to be fearful of what may happen in the future. You should not speak in a bad way about the other parent as well. You have to be very careful not to call the other parent names or talk bad about any thing that they have done.

Never keep the children away from the other parent unless they are in danger of anything. You should let the children see the parent when they feel the need to. Let them know that they can call them anytime and you will be happy to drive them to see you’re soon to ex spouse’s residence any time that they want.

You never want to distance yourself from your children. You have to keep up your responsibly of being a parent. You need to communicate with your child and be a good parent. It is a hard time and can be very depressing for a lot of adults. It is important to keep up your strength both physically and emotionally for the children’s sake.

Do not try and buy the child’s affection with gifts and money. You need to spend time with them and let them know that they are the most important things right now. You need to keep all of your promises to them and do not abandon them for any reason. If you say that you are going to be there is a certain time, you need to be there.

If you think that the child needs to have therapy, you should make the necessary arrangements. Do you feel your child needs to talk to someone, if they need to talk to a professional let them, as this is going to help a child in the long run. It is crucial to the children to be able to discuss their feeling and to be reassured that they have nothing to worry about concerning the divorce. It is nothing to be ashamed of and the child should be made to feel comfortable about all that is going on around them.

Should you have an attorney for a divorce?

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If you are thinking about a divorce or your spouse has already filed for a divorce, it is a good idea to get an attorney. This is something that you should do to protect yourself. You will have a lot of questions and you will defiantly need to have answers. You need to be made aware of all the possible outcomes and do what you need to in order to protect your future.

There is always the option of representing yourself in a divorce proceeding. However, this is not always the recommendation. If there are serious questions involved like children or assets, it is better to have the assistance of an attorney. The attorney can represent only one of the parities involved. If you are not able to afford an attorney, the judge may seek assistance for you from your spouse.

One reason to get an attorney for a divorce proceeding is because there may be spousal support involved. This is called alimony. Depending on the length of time you were married, the age and health of the parties involved, and the ability for one of the parties to earn income and maintain the marital standard of living, the court may order support paid by one spouse to another. This is different question from child support.

Spousal support can be for a limited time period or for an indefinite period depending on the circumstances. It can be reviewed if there is a significant change in the circumstances of either the former spouse. If the spousal support question is waived, then the party giving up the support may not ever come back to ask the court to award it again.

You may also want to have an attorney to protect pensions and retirement accounts. Pensions and retirement are marital property and it can be divided in a divorce. They can be given a present value based on the kind of pension and the parties’ rights to receive an income from that pension. Usually the court system is fair in this decision, but an attorney will fight for your rights and make sure that your side of the fight is heard.

If you are not happy with the attorney that you have hired, you should defiantly talk to them about it. Explain your case and make them understand why you are not happy with their work. If you cannot work out the situation with your attorney, you do have the right to find another attorney at any point in the game.

How to protect yourself from divorce

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When you learn that you are going to be getting divorced, it may be have been coming for a long time or it may come as a complete surprise. Either way, there are certain things that you can do for yourself, your children, and your finances. This does not mean that you have to take all of your bank accounts and all that you have and wipe them out.

You have to take the responsible interests throughout the marriage so that you can protect yourself and all that you before and after if the marriage ever dissolves. There are ways that you can act reasonably while you are protecting your interests. These are only precautions that you will need to take care of if the divorce is not being ended amicably.

Depending on how well you and your spouse can get along at the time of the divorce, you may choose not to act on some of the suggestions that are given. You may decide that you and your spouse can work arrangements for everything without arguing. Whenever possible, try and make everything go as well and as easy as you can.

You should always get an attorney when you are heading towards divorce. They will make sure that you are taking the necessary precautions so that you can protect what you have and all the assets you have accumulated during the marriage.

Try and protect all of your own personal property that you have accumulated over the years. You need to move papers and documents so that you are the only one that knows where they are. If you must present them at a court hearing then you must do so. However, you need to make sure that you can keep all of your valuables safe so that you have a better chance at keeping them throughout the divorce.

Once of the best things that you can do before you decide to get married, is make sure that you know the person. Get to know them for a long period before you decide to take the big step into marriage. You have to be able trust so that you can feel good about marrying them. Have a long engagement so that you can see if the person changes any. If so, you may want to get out of the relationship before you decide to marry. This could be the best thing for both of you.

Divorce Rights - Can one spouse prevent a divorce from happening?

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If one person does not want to get a divorce, but one party in the relationship does and it is a no fault divorce, then the spouse cannot stop the divorce. This is called an irreconcilable difference and is a justification for divorce.

A spouse can prevent a fault divorce by convincing the court that he or she is not at fault. This is something that they would have to prove and it is up to the judge to decide. There are other additional ways to defend a divorce from happening may also be a choice for some situations.

If a person who condones that a spouse is having an affair files for a divorce, the spouse may contest the fault divorce by arguing that the spouse knew of the affair and condoned the action. This is one way for a person to defend himself or herself in court.

Connivance is the setting up of a situation so that the other person commits something to jeopardize the marriage. One type of situation to explain is if a women sets up her husband in situation where he is alone with his mistress. This is known as a set up and it is an argument that one can make in court to defend their actions.

Provocation is the inciting of a spouse to do a certain act. If a spouse is suing for divorce and claims that the other spouse abandoned them, the other spouse might defend their suit because they were provoked by the abandonment. Collusion is if a couple lives in a state where no fault divorce requires that the couple separate for a time and the couple doe not want to prolong the situation. This may lead the couple to mislead the court and pretend that one of them was at fault just to get out of the marriage.

These above defenses are not usually used for a few different reasons. Proving a defense may require witnesses and involve a lot of time and expense. Your efforts will usually bring nothing to the situation. Chances are that a court will eventually grant the divorce. A person should not have to stay married if they do not wish too. The law is designed to give people the opportunity to get out of the marriage if that is what he or she really wants to do. If you are involved in a marriage that you don’t want to be in any longer, the process can be hard to get through, but you can make a divorce really happen, and put an end to the marriage.